How to be Kinder to Yourself and Others: Tips from a Clinical Expert

From news cycles to personal struggles, our world today is filled with stressors. It is only natural that these events may overwhelm us, leading us to shut down or become emotionally drained. However, finding the space between triggers and reactivity, and making a conscientious effort to be kind, can improve not only the lives around us but also our own mental health. Research has demonstrated that acts of kindness help to decrease symptoms of anxiety and depression, as well as increase overall life satisfaction. Read on to learn some tips from Amanda Fialk, PhD, LCSW, LICSW, Partner & Chief Clinical Officer at The Dorm, on how to be kinder to ourselves and others in our everyday lives.

Be Deeply Present

Being present with the people around you is a great way to convey care, helping others feel acknowledged in every interaction. Below are a few methods to stay present with the people you love:

• Actively listen when they speak. Screens and phones are a big part of our daily life, so making a point to put our phones on silent, or even away altogether, shows where you are putting your priorities. One of the greatest gifts we can give others is our time, full attention, and presence.
• Follow up on points that may have come up in prior interactions, to show that you value what the other party has to say. 
• Be on time, or even early, as a sign of respect for the other person’s time. Time is our most finite resource, and always being sure to maximize your time together is a great way to show your appreciation. 
• Use people’s names in conversation. This is a great way to help the people around you feel seen and cared for. 

Be Thoughtful About What You Say

Being mindful of your words and how you speak can help keep conversations positive and productive. Some thoughtful interactions can include the following examples:

• Resist the urge to gossip and curb judgment about others. Everyone has their own struggles and motivations, and avoiding the toxic habit can make a big difference.
• Avoid oversharing or talking about yourself too much. Focusing the conversation on the other person is another great way to show that you value them.
• Say please and thank you, and give genuine compliments. Being sincere in your gratitude helps the other person feel good about themselves.

Give Back to Your Community

At The Dorm, Service is one of our twelve core values—and for good reason. Service fosters a shared sense of purpose and mutual appreciation. It can help to boost your own mood, increase confidence, and decrease risk of depression and stress. Volunteering also creates a sense of community, developing new relationships and preventing isolation, and keeps your mind and body active. In addition to its mental, physical, and social benefits, service also helps with spiritual development, provoking a sense of joy, responsibility, and fulfillment. 

Recognize That Kindness is a Intentional Process

Kindness is a daily, intentional choice, especially during challenging times. If you find yourself having an “off day” or are not as caring as you may wish to be, be gracious with yourself. Everyone has moments where life may become a little too overwhelming, and it may in turn affect the way we treat others. In an instance where you may be “short” with the people in your life: acknowledge it, apologize to someone if you need to, and move on. 

Most importantly, be sure to speak to yourself with the same kindness and compassion that you show to others. Acts of self-care, setting boundaries, or saying no can also be a kindness to ourselves. Being kind to yourself is so important, and is especially so while in treatment. 

Finally, be sure to remember the Golden Rule: do unto others as you would have them do unto you.

Thank you to Amanda for sharing these methods to show kindness for ourselves and others in our own lives. For more tips on best practices, visit our blogs on Approaching Conversations With Family, or Tips to Combat Election Anxiety.