Recovery doesn’t happen in a vacuum – the more validation, connection, and encouragement we can gain from like minded peers, the better the outcomes. On a daily basis, our clients at The Dorm learn about the importance of building community to support long-term treatment goals. And this doesn’t just apply to our young adults in treatment – building community extends to our family members as well, who are an integral part of our clients’ treatment journeys, walking alongside both their struggles and successes.
We spoke with the clinical leader of The Dorm’s Family Support Group to learn more about this intimate virtual group where past and present family members find fellowship on a weekly basis. Below, learn how the group operates, how it came to be, and the powerful ways in which families are finding solace and strength together in a supportive holding space.
How did the Family Support Group come to be?
The Dorm: This was originally a Dorm-led Families Anonymous group, which included the standard 12-step format and regulations.
As time went on and new families joined us, there were many folks in the space desiring a less formalized, traditional 12-step format. I was having conversations with the families about what would be most helpful, and we landed on a supportive community hour just for Dorm families, rather than a strict adherence to the Families Anonymous format [which is widespread and accessible as a complement or alternative to this more intimate support group].
In short, the families I was meeting didn’t want to start off the meeting like a typical 12-step meeting, doing readings, and all that. They just wanted support and connection.
What was the transition into this different type of meeting like, and how did that change the group’s composition?
The Dorm: Once we formally changed the structure from a Family Anonymous group into a new Family Support Group, we still had many alumni families in the space with us.
We moved forward with that group composition, which also included families from both DC and New York, and both current and past families of The Dorm. Today, we’re at about a 50/50 split between alumni and current families.
This ended up being enormously helpful for new families because they had the chance to learn from those that were further along in their child’s treatment journey and ask questions.
What can families expect when they first join the Family Support Group?
The Dorm: To kick off the meeting, I start with some language to set parameters and group norms. I start off the group every week with:
Do you or a loved one need help with mental health?
The Dorm is here.
- Introductions
- An explanation of the group
- Reminders from what we had been discussing in the previous week
- Encouraging new families to ask questions (and older families to provide support and experience)
Otherwise, we have basic structural reminders that:
- We run from 6:00pm to 7:00pm every Thursday
- Families can come in late or leave early if needed, they should just give me advance notice
- I don’t set hard parameters about being on camera, but most people have their cameras on, which helps create a safer and more connected environment
Can you speak a little more about your role as a support group leader?
The Dorm: My role in our Family Support Group is to hold the space, and direct traffic. I think about my role as the “pilot” of the meeting, but I don’t provide psychoeducation or direct therapy to the group. (However, if someone would like to ask me a specific question or my opinion, I’m always happy to respond to them as a clinician.)
As opposed to some of our other parent groups, I always explain at the onset that this is a support group, not group therapy. Group therapy is about change, whereas a support group is about coping, and building community. For this particular group I’m not there to interpret or therapize; my role is to provide space for parents to support each other. If they have questions about The Dorm or related topics, I’m happy to jump in, but I’m not there to respond to every single thing that is said or direct the conversation in one way or another like in group therapy or the Parent Collective.
What do you think is the main value of this group, versus, Group Therapy for Parents, DBT Groups, or The Parent Collective?
The Dorm: The families I work with [have said], “It’s really important for me to come to this space, because the other parents know what I’m experiencing. I don’t have to go into a lot of nuance and detail – I can talk about what I’m going through ‘in shorthand’ and they understand me.”
Families further along in the treatment journey can offer validation and tips for supporting their child in treatment. For example, newer families may not understand the incredible value of a [Dorm] Parent Coach, but older families have explained how important it is to align with the coach, and said, “Use your coach as a resource. Your coach is your best friend.”
It’s also very valuable for our alumni families. A lot of folks continue to come after their loved one has left The Dorm. It’s a space where parents can really connect with each other, especially those whose young adult may be having setbacks after treatment and realizing that recovery isn’t linear.
After transforming the more formal Families Anonymous group, what were some key differences you noticed, and why do you think this format is beneficial?
The Dorm: In Families Anonymous, there was a lot of structure, including strict rules against crosstalk, which some people found inhibiting. The feedback indicated a need for a more flexible support group.
I even questioned whether my presence was needed when we moved into this more fluid format since it’s often very family-driven, but the parents expressed that they valued my role and wanted me there. So really, where we are now is truly based on the feedback that we received from parents and driven by what they wanted. As more and more parents have started to show, it’s been validating to know that this group is meeting an organic need.
Are there any major themes that come up frequently in the group, such as sibling relationships, sobriety, diagnoses, etc.?
The Dorm: Themes do come up, and I point them out to the group when they reoccur. Without going into too much detail, the flexibility of the group allows parents to bring up what’s important to them in a safe space – whether that’s dealing with grief, letting go of expectations, or supporting each other in various ways. We have a lot of families dealing with their own expectations of treatment and learning how to handle setbacks, and to accept that recovery isn’t linear.
It’s also a safe holding space for parents to share and express some of their own personal emotions coming up during treatment rather than what their child is going through. For instance, it’s difficult for a lot of parents when their friends or colleagues have adult children who are being accepted to schools, taking jobs, or other typical markers of “success,” and dealing with that self-comparison.
When they realize there are groups of folks who have similar experiences, and are also sharing openly about how their families are doing, they can step into a new space and they don’t feel judged. There are no excuses or tension, they can just connect with other parents who understand what it’s like to have a loved one struggling with mental health. This is a safe, non-judgmental holding space, which can offer a lot of relief during treatment and beyond.
Learn more about our supportive Family Services, Group Therapy, and get a peek inside The Parent Collective, a bi-weekly psycho-educational group for current Dorm Families.
