Inside Parent Coaching at The Dorm

For young adults, family involvement during treatment is known to improve outcomes. That’s why family programming is a core pillar of programming at The Dorm, contributing to our clients experiencing a 138% improvement in well-being. To support family involvement, we offer a robust array of programming, including family therapy, weekly support groups meetings, and bi-annual family days, to name a few. At the core of each client’s services, however, is parent coaching – a weekly touchbase between our clients and their loved ones who are deeply invested in their treatment experience. 

“The primary role of the Parent Coach at The Dorm is to bridge communication between each client’s clinical care team and family, while equipping family members with essential, tailored skills to meet their young adult’s unique needs during treatment,” explains Director of The Dorm, D.C., Amie DiTomasso, LICSW, MPH. 

In the following interview, Amie walks us through the specifics of what we cover in parent coaching, and how through consistent guidance and open communication, our licensed clinical coaches empower parents to be active partners in their young adult’s growth. 

The Dorm: Thanks for being with us, Amie. Could you start by describing what parent coaching is for someone new to our community?

Amie DiTomasso: Parent coaching at The Dorm involves working closely with the client’s clinical care team and their family members. It’s a collaborative space where families and clinicians connect to gather historical information—things like childhood development, medical history, or hospitalizations—so we have a comprehensive picture of our client’s experience. It’s also an opportunity for family members to express their goals and concerns (even though the final say in treatment will always belong to the young adult and their care team). 

Beyond gathering information, it’s also a time to assess the family system as a whole—looking at communication patterns, boundaries, roles, and beliefs within the family. Parent coaching isn’t just about helping the client; it’s about empowering the family members to realistically reflect on their own behaviors, thoughts, and relationship patterns. When parents can grow alongside their young adult, real change happens.

The Dorm: What are some common misunderstandings about parent coaching? 

Amie: A common misunderstanding about parent coaching is that sessions are solely focused on the young adult. In reality, parent coaching challenges family members to reflect on their own actions and the entire family system. 

We encourage accountability and self-awareness among family members—it’s a space for personal growth, not just updates on their loved one’s treatment. For example, if a young adult was late and that was frustrating, we might shift the focus to how the parent responded, and explore ways to communicate or set boundaries effectively in the future. This space is as much about the family member’s growth as it is about the young adult’s.

Another misconception about parent coaching is that it involves a play-by-play review of a young adult’s weekly attendance in sessions or groups. That’s not the purpose. While attendance may be discussed, we explore it through a therapeutic lens that supports the young adult’s progress, rather than a strict “Did they go or not?” mentality. 

Additionally, while we do sometimes go into logistical discussions about care with family members, it’s important to note parent coaching is not about the parent controlling their young adult’s schedule or relaying messages through us. Our focus is always on supporting our client’s independence and autonomy. We work directly with the client on their goals and routines, ensuring their voice is centered throughout the process. For example, if a family member has a suggestion about a client’s treatment schedule, we of course encourage collaboration and welcome questions, but we always base the schedule on various clinical and therapeutic considerations unique to each client’s needs.

“The 360 degree care at the onset, parent coaching, and community manager at the Clubhouse were amazing.”

Parent Testimonal

The Dorm: How does parent coaching address family dynamics and the challenges of parenting a young adult? 

Amie: One of the central themes is helping families navigate the evolving relationship between parent and child as the young adult grows. That transition can be challenging—not just for the young adult, but for parents as well. It’s a shift from managing everything for your child to respecting their independence and letting them face life’s bumps without swooping in to fix everything. 

A common dynamic that comes up is that in some families, there may be a history of parents being highly involved in their young adult’s life, and feeling deeply connected to each challenge or success. In parent coaching, we support families in shifting this dynamic by helping parents empower their young adults to take responsibility and build independence. This also means helping parents process the evolving nature of their relationship and understand how their role as a supporter may change.

We often work with parents on resisting the urge to “fix” problems as soon as they arise. Loving, caring parents naturally want to make things better for their child, but this can sometimes hinder a young adult’s growth, reinforcing dependence and creating the expectation that parents are responsible for certain outcomes. We aim to change this narrative by encouraging parents to adjust their boundaries, offer support more selectively, and give their young adult the space to navigate obstacles on their own.

Another common dynamic we see is that there can be a disconnect between a young adult’s goals for themselves and the expectations their family holds. In parent coaching, we help family members embrace a shift in perspective, encouraging them to see their loved one as a unique individual, separate from the family system as a whole. This shift allows parents to better support their young adult’s personal journey toward independence.

Additionally, parent coaching involves a lot of practical guidance. For example, we might work with families on setting up and maintaining a budget, helping both the young adult and their parents understand financial boundaries. We support parents in reinforcing these boundaries, allowing the young adult to take more accountability while keeping a safety net in place. This process might involve adjusting boundaries—perhaps moving from rigid rules to a more flexible approach, or from unclear expectations to explicit, direct communication.

The Dorm: How does parent coaching differ from therapy?

Amie: While there are many therapeutic elements within parent coaching, it’s important to clarify that the parent coach’s role isn’t to serve as the parents’ personal therapist. Parent coaching always focuses on the family system, addressing the dynamics that impact the whole family and supporting the young adult, even if they aren’t the primary focus of each session.

This space is dedicated to holistic support for the entire family, with clear boundaries to differentiate it from individual therapy. At times, we may focus on one parent to explore their family history or parenting style, helping them understand how past experiences shape their current approach. This insight empowers parents to evolve in ways that support not only their loved one’s growth but the family as a whole. This approach ensures that the work remains centered on fostering a healthy family system, not solely individual therapy for the parents.

“The concept of bundling individual therapy, group therapy, life skills coaching, and independent living is really good… and exactly what we needed as a family.”

Parent Testimonial

The Dorm: In your experience, what makes a parent coaching session successful?  

Amie: An ideal parent coaching session mainly comes from a place of vulnerability and honesty—parents who openly share challenges and avoid presenting a “polished” version of their family enable more effective, supportive work. We also always emphasize a nonjudgmental, collaborative atmosphere that helps parents feel comfortable, knowing the focus is on supporting the family system rather than evaluating or criticizing their parenting. 

Beyond those core mindsets, here are some concrete elements that make up our most successful parent coaching sessions: 

1. Setting an agenda – Starting with a clear plan helps everyone stay focused and productive.  

2. Note-taking between sessions – Parents benefit from tracking their progress and reflecting on what they’ve learned.  

3. Vulnerability and honesty – Being open and honest allows deeper insights and growth.  

4. Nonjudgment – This is a space where everyone is learning; no one is perfect.  

5. Teamwork – Success happens when we work as a team—clients, families, and clinicians—toward shared goals.  

6. Collaboration over reprimanding – We emphasize working with families, not criticizing or correcting them.

The Dorm: Thank you, Amie! It’s so helpful to hear about how parent coaching supports both young adults and their families. 

The Dorm offers intensive outpatient support for young adults in New York City and Washington, D.C. For more information on family services, check out our Family Therapy approach. Want to learn more about Amie DiTomasso, Director of The Dorm D.C.? Read her bio here